according to my first draft and suggestion to rewrite final draft 1500 words 1

Assignment Description

As you move beyond the university setting, you will need to make choices about how you want to present yourself and your work to a wider public. Thus, for this final project, you will design something that best represents your public rhetoric. For example, if you aim to become a journalist, you can write a researched article for a specific publication; if you aim to become an artist, you can assemble a portfolio; if you aim to become a scientist, you can write a grant proposal; if you aim to become a science teacher, you can develop a YouTube channel of “how-to” videos. Ideally you will be able to use this project for a future purpose.

For this project I want to do a research paper, and I already write the first draft, for this first draft my TA give me some suggestion, please according to suggestions rewrite( about1500 words)